Ashley's Arabian Adventure

Oh the new year! It's always a bit exciting. We get to get all dressed up and go to a party and make new year's resolutions that we will ultimately forget about in approximately 4.7 days. Then we feel like failures of course. Why do we even make new years resolutions? Do we feel like we can only make major changes in ourselves when a new year begins? Why do people make 15 of them and really believe they will achieve something?

Well this year some friends and I were joking and making resolutions for each other. Of course it doesn't take long for that to hurt someone's feelings, as I'm sure you can imagine. The one that was made up for me was to be nicer. I tend to think I am generally nice, but as I started to think about it I realized that I'm not. Sure, I'll do anything for people I like. I'll serve in anyway I can...when it's a person I like. And even when I consider the people I like, I'm still not very nice to them. In any given conversation, I will probably say something sarcastic or rude. Even when I am trying to be nice or consciously thinking about not being sarcastic, it comes out somehow. I started to ask myself why.

I guess it goes back to about 7th grade. I realized that all the cool kids were the ones who had something sarcastic to say about everything. There was this guy called Andrew who was the funny guy that everyone liked. He always had a funny little quip for anything that was said or done. Being in the 7th grade and wanting to be cool, I started doing this. It's been downhill ever since. Now, ten years later, I can't shake it. I have been able to keep a small portion of these comments in my head, but there are times, well lots of times, when that filter seems to be out of order. And really, I would like for these comments to go away completely. I want to be filled with love for people rather than rude thoughts and words. But, in all actuality, I don't know how to be nice. I don't know how to stop this monster.